My Essence

I am fearfully and made

   There is an old saying that if you put a frog in a pot of water and begin to raise the heat the frog will not know it is being boiled. Isn’t it funny how we can go through life and be completely asleep until one day, one moment, something wakes us up and we simply wonder how the hell did we get here? How did this happen? Why didn’t somebody tell me?

   For me, my moment came when I was getting into in the bath. I have done this so many times before but this night would be different this night would jolt me into reality. I had happened to turn, and I saw my full reflection of my naked bare body my 275 pounds bare body was staring back at me.

   All I could do was stand there in complete dismay and wonder what the heck happened? How did I get here? It was then that I began to realize what was happening. I had been the frog in the pot of water and with each number on the scale only meant my water was beginning to boil and I didn’t realize it because I had fallen asleep in my life. I had gotten comfortable. I stood there, and I prayed out to God for guidance.

Asking that question of what had gotten me to this point. How does this happen? I just felt it impressed upon me that my body represented getting lost in distractions, making other’s burdens my own, making myself the last priority on a long list of so-called priorities, represented overworking, and turning to food vs turning to Him. I was in shock complete shock. It’s amazing how I’ll do my hair in the mirror, I take a shower, I get dressed but I’ve never seen the full spectrum of what I saw that night before getting in the bath. Slowly but surely I’m waking up from the slumber. One of the greatest battles of this new awakening is to realize I am not who I perceive myself to be in that mirror staring back at me, the fat girl. I am more than the weight on my body. I need to continually tell myself that my essence is not determined by my waist size. The journey to health and wholeness begins at the end of denial. 

My mind races, seeking answers, remedies, solutions on how to regain me. It is like waking up from a bad dream. I did not get like this it was a little here and a lot there so will be the journey to redeeming my body. A little change here and there and a lot of everywhere. I am more than the number on the scale!!!!!

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